Tears and Rain
by Sang Yu Nung
Summary: Soujiro is in a hotel, reflecting over his life... He will take us back to the day when he escaped his family...
1. Tears and Rain pt I

Prologue  
  
The rain came down gently at first, steadily getting louder and faster. Looking out of the glass window of the hotel, I noticed that everything was blurry.  
  
I smiled. My whole life was kind of blurry. In a way, I was surprised that I was still alive after living with my uncle and family. Some family that was! Until Shishio-sama rescued me, it was all I had ever known.  
  
Then Shishio-sama slowly fed all of his ideas into me. I think I was so grateful towards him, he became my hero and idol, and so I never once questioned those beliefs. I just figured that they were right because everywhere I went, the powerful came out on top, while the others lived the low life or died.  
  
When I think of all the lives I took, I only feel a tinge of guilt and regret. It's as if my whole time spent following Shishio-sama was a dream. I can not fully understand that the people are gone... That I was the one who killed them... And that the ones I murdered have loved ones who miss them every day...  
  
However, I have improved upon regaining my emotions. I don't smile when I talk about my victims.  
  
It was so much easier with Shishio-sama... All I had to do was follow orders, and since long ago I suppressed my emotions, it didn't matter that I had blood on my hands at the end of the day. All that I cared about was Shishio-sama being able to take control of Japan. I felt like I had finally belonged with Yumi-san and Kamatari-chan around.  
  
Again, my life changed so much by meeting another person, Himura-san. Kenshin Himura. That is a name I will never forget, and I have so much to be thankful for him. Instead of following him around (like I did with Shishio-sama), I followed his advice instead. So now I am looking for all the answers myself, and it's harder than I could ever have imagined. I have been so many places and found little bits of information, but when will I have enough? I feel as if I will be wandering around for the rest of my life. I am pretty sure I know what I need... I need someone to love me, who I would want to be with for the rest of my life... So far there is no one that even comes close to me wanting to be with like that.  
  
The rain was still pouring down, and I was glad. It felt like a gentle relief, all the tears I could not shed myself. Lately I have found myself with a straight face, and sometimes a smile, hardly ever a frown, and I have not cried. I just take solace in the drumming of the raindrops on the roof.  
  
In a way, rain was always a relief to me... It reminded me of the day when it rained... I always thought about how I left home and what I had to do to leave... 


	2. Tears and Rain pt II

(In a way, rain was always a relief to me... It reminded me of the day when it rained... I always thought about how I left home and what I had to do to leave...)  
  
I remember most of the situation clearly, like it's etched within my mind, but some things are fuzzy, like exactly what time it was and how long I stayed under that porch. The thing that sticks out most vividly in my mind was the cold, numbing rain falling down. The rain offered a soft, comforting "pitter- patter" that I had fallen asleep to so many nights before in the large barn.  
  
After running away from my plotting family, my mind was frantically trying to think of where I could go to hide. What a foolish child I was, thinking 'Hopefully, they just need time to cool off'. Definitely foolish, but at least I was blissfully innocent... After living out a good eighteen years of my life, I would choose to stay foolish and innocent versus being wise with a tarnished soul... I continued to run until I saw the porch... I couldn't believe that my family was going to try to kill me, as much as they hated me. I wanted to run away, but I knew that if I did they would just hunt me down. Nothing would have stopped them... There was no escape... But then I remembered the wakizashi loaned to me by Shishio- san (yes, it was "-san" at the time).  
  
Easily, I slid under the porch, and I was sheltered from the water droplets falling free from the sky. My hands felt around the corners, while my heart beat madly in my chest. When I found the sword I moved my hands up and down the smooth hilt in a trancelike state. As curiosity took over, I examined the weapon. The hilt had a nice criss-crossed diamond pattern and the blade was all perfect and shiny. If weapons could ever truly be beautiful, then this wakizashi would have been a work of art. So much time and effort put into a tool that is used to take away other's lives...  
  
Then I started shivering, not only from the cold, but from the very idea of killing the only family I had ever known. Sure, they weren't kind to me, but where else would I go? So maybe the weak were always oppressed by the strong, but there was no shame in being weak... Was there?  
  
I would just stay under the porch for a few more minutes... Just to think things over, and make sure that the coast was clear. Little did I know that my step-cousin was so close to finding me... 


End file.
